MUST SEE: Gays Here’s 10 Reasons You Fail As A Man & How You Can Fix It
Reality check time!
Much too often we slander the heteros for their pompous lifestyle and how they degrade us. In all seriousness, we are really no better than they are.
I ran across this post at one of my favorite gay blogs Discreet City and they’ve compiled the top ten fails we face as homosexuals. And they dug deep, too! Before we judge anybody else let’s take a look at personal issues we face as gay men and the cure to our own issues.
THE PROBLEM: You Have High Expectations for Others
But Low Expectations for Yourself
We see it all the time, the gay men with the laundry list of expectations for others when it comes to dating and friendships. Profiles exclaim: Must be mobile. Must be attractive. Must be in-shape. Must be masculine. When/If we finally meet them, we discover that they themselves are car-less, not attractive, out-of-shape and barely even passably masculine.
This also applies to finances and education. Many of these guys have the dream of meeting a wealthy, sexy, masculine, six-packed man who’s not too old or too young, has a Masters degree and a 6-bedroom home that they can eventually move into with their small dog. But when it comes to themselves, requirements dip to a lower standard. To them, their gym-deprived bodies earning an hourly salary at a mall-job to pay rent at a 3-roommate apartment is more than adequately acceptable to attract the Mr. Right described above.
THE SOLUTION: This is an obvious two-fold answer: Simultaneously lower and raise your expectations. Lower your expectations for a potential partner, raise them for yourself. Many of us can look to our parents as an example. If our mothers/fathers had held out for someone completely “perfect,” many of us would have never been born.
Turn a mirror on all of your requirements for a mate and ask yourself, “Am I really meeting my own expectations? Would I be attracted to myself?” If the answer is no, work towards getting there.
THE PROBLEM: You Require That Your “Friends” Be Sexy
Examples: One friend begins to catch unrequited feelings for the other. Or Jealousies are manifested when/if the new friend starts dating other people. Or Insecurities become magnified. And even messy instances of distrust and infidelity amongst the new sexy friend and their current boyfriend have been observed.
This “sexiness” requirement for friends also reinforces the misguided belief amongst Gay/Bisexual men that they must eventually exchange intimacy for friendship (or at least leave the possibility open). We live in a culture of gay men who believe that being sexually active with a “platonic best friend” is just par for the course. That “cuddling” with a platonic friend is okay. The proof is in the numbers. If you ask many gay men if they’ve HONESTLY ever “messed around” (or wanted to mess around) with any of their “friends” in any way, odds are they would say yes, usually when they first met.
THE SOLUTION: If you’re really just looking for friends, take the time to get to know people no matter what they look like. If a person, regardless of appearance, can make you smile, laugh, feel comfortable, inspire trust, better yourself and mentally challenge your previously held beliefs in a positive way…That is a person you should have in your life. Start off with honesty. If you ultimately desire a relationship, say so. If you ultimately desire a sex buddy, say so. And for God’s sake, change your profile photo. Your naked dirty-mirrored bathroom pics say you just want to get fucked, not that you just want to get friends.